Sex Addiction

The 5 year old Boy Deprived of Love - by Reena Kumarasingham


Jake (not his real name) was a man in his forties who had been battling an sex addiction with sex workers for some while. He had seen two separate counsellors about his addiction but to no avail. At the time he came for therapy, he had split from his wife for a year, and was dealing with a painful break up with a girlfriend.

After history taking the mechanics of addiction was explained to Jake to determine the root cause of his problem. It was established that the reason why Jake had an obsession with sex was because he craved the intimacy, the holding, cuddling and the nurturing he got after sex. Although he was not consciously aware of this need, subconsciously it created an urge for him. Then, we determined that the objective for the session was to work on minimising his addiction by transforming and targeting this root cause.

child

When regressed, he went back to a time when he was five, and he fell from a tree into an open drain. He was hurt and shaken, but instead of being held and comforted by his mother, which he wanted, he was scolded for falling into the drain. He went back to another time when he was eight, and he was in his cousins house for Chinese New Year Celebrations. He was excited because his mother had given him permission to distribute Ang Pows (Red Packets filled with money which is a Chinese tradition) to his cousin at around 12pm. When the time came he happily started to distribute the Ang Pows but his mother unexpectently descended on him and scolded him in front of his cousins. This upset him greatly. It was through experiences like these that he was deprived of the nurturing of his mother, which affected him greatly.

While transforming these memories, an interesting thing occurred. Jake suddenly got scared and said "He is coming, I am scared of him, He is coming". Then, his entire posture, facial expression and voice tone changed. His body tensed and puffed up, his tone become gruff and his expression became harder. After some coaxing, this new part was identified as Angry Jake, who was there to protect Jake from being hurt, and stopped him from developing healthy loving relationship with people close to him. The deprivation of maternal nurturing had been so intense that his mind had fragmented as a coping mechanism and created Angry Jake.

Then I asked if there was a Love Jake, and whether I could have a chat with him. Love Jake emerged, small, timid, and with whispered tones. It took some coaxing to get Love Jake to grow. Angry Jake finally allowed for it to happen as long as he watched, and Love Jake agreed. Using inner child regression Jake was taken to the source of his issue when he was five, and coloured balloons with new emotional qualities were given to fortify Love Jake including trust, protection, security so that he could grow with the new aspects. As his age progressed, he stopped in several places, and more balloons had to be given so that he could grow completely and integrate with his current age. Finally he was given a helpful affirmation to relax that was reinforced with an essential oil. Further regression sessions gave him deeper insights to his relationship with his ex girlfriend and ex wife.

Six months following regression he has not been to sex workers. In his words, "Sometimes I feel the urge, but when I smell the oil that I was given in therapy and repeat the affirmation, I relax and feel calmer and move on. Also, when there have been incidences that would normally have angered me and driven me to get a fix, I pause and ask what does Love Jake want? And make the choice that Love Jake would take which is much better for me".